please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
