If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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