apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
