We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
