I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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