I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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