Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
