he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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