I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
