I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
