I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
