I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
