Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
