Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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