remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
