no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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