you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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