It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
