okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
