Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
