my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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