omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
