4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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