I just cut my nipple shaving
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
