My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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