Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
