She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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