he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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