i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize