I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
