You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
