I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
