I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What a dumb baby whore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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