we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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