The best revenge is premature balding
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
