Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
