He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
