and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you bring me the toilet please
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
