I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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