I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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