Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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