We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
