I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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