I just made out with a guy for $7.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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