I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
