I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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