You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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