Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My pussy is not your playground.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
