im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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