My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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