i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
