is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
