its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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