Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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