Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize