okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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