TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
