i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
