He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
