Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
