Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize