It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am one with the molecules
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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