I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
