so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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