i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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