take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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