not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
