It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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