dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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