we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
