Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im part way to drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
