Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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