His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
