Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So many bounce houses so little time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
