Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
