Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
