At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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