He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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