i think my tv is drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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