didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
