Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
