All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
