I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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