she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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