Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
