A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this boner is exhausting
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
