when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
