I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
