Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
