I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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