Apparently you make a good broom.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
