Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
