If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
