the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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