I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
