Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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