Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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