Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
