she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
