Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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(408): View more from California

the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW

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(407): View more from Florida

Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.

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(916): View more from California

I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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(214): View more from Texas

One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.

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(614): View more from Ohio

The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died

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