fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
