he fucked my hip out of place.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize