His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
