I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
