Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
