from now on my penis is your penis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
