I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize