I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
