Soap is not a condiment
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
