i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
