hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
