I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
