and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
