Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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