She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize