You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
